Thursday 26 December 2019
Thursday 19 December 2019
Saturday 14 December 2019
Fairytale of Brexit Land
It was Brexit eve, babe
In the drunk tank,
An old man said to me
“Won't see another one”
I said “thank God for that”
“It's bad for me and you”
I turned my face away
And dreamt of the EU
Got an unlucky one
Bloody Tory scum
I've got a feeling
this is not for you and me
So, happy Christmas
I love this country
I can see a better time
when all our dreams come true
They've got cars big as bars, they've
got rivers of gold,
But with all these damn cuts, It's no
place for the old,
When you first cast your vote, and you
wanted to leave
You promised me riches were waiting
for me
It weren't handsome, or pretty,
you divided our city,
When the lies finished playing
they howled out for more
Boris was swinging,
all the leavers were singing
we cried in the corner
As they danced through the night
The boys of the CCHQ choir
will be singing 'Leave today'
And the bells will toll
For us on Brexit day
You're a bum, you're a punk
your policies are just junk
Patients are almost dead and without a
bed
you scumbag, you maggot
We've just about had it
Happy Christmas, you arse
I pray God it's your last
The boys of the CCHQ choir
will be singing 'Leave today'
And the bells will toll
For us on Brexit day
I could have been someone
well, so could anyone
you took my dreams from me
When they first voted you
I kept them from you, babe
suppressed them for my own
Have to make it on your own
I've built my dreams without you
The boys of the CCHQ choir
will be singing 'Leave today'
And the bells will toll
For us on Brexit day
Tory Christmas
It's Christmas!
Are you hanging up your stocking on
your wall?
It's a time when Boris Johnson has a
ball
Does he ride a red-nosed reindeer?
Does he turn up on a sleigh?
Do his minders lock him in a fridge
today?
So here it is a Tory Christmas
And nobody's having fun
Look to the future now
This nightmare's just begun
Has your universal credit not arrived?
You're sure there's not a spare room
inside?
Does your granny always tell ya
That the Labour times were best?
Then she's voting for the Tories like
the rest.
So here it is a Tory Christmas
And nobody's having fun
Look to the future now
This nightmare's just begun
What the hell do you do when you see
everybody's voting Tories aha
Are you hanging up your stocking on
your wall?
Are you hoping that this government
will fall?
Do you ride on down the hillside
In the Brexit hell you've made?
Or do you look at your head
and realise you've been played?
So here it is a Tory Christmas
And nobody's having fun
Look to the future now
This nightmare's just begun
Thursday 12 December 2019
Thursday 5 December 2019
Thursday 28 November 2019
Friday 22 November 2019
Thursday 14 November 2019
Thursday 7 November 2019
Thursday 31 October 2019
Thursday 24 October 2019
Thursday 17 October 2019
Thursday 10 October 2019
Thursday 3 October 2019
Monday 30 September 2019
Thursday 26 September 2019
Thursday 12 September 2019
Thursday 5 September 2019
Thursday 29 August 2019
Thursday 22 August 2019
Thursday 15 August 2019
Thursday 8 August 2019
Thursday 1 August 2019
Friday 26 July 2019
Saturday 20 July 2019
Thursday 4 July 2019
Wednesday 26 June 2019
Thursday 20 June 2019
Thursday 13 June 2019
Thursday 6 June 2019
Thursday 30 May 2019
Thursday 23 May 2019
Thursday 16 May 2019
Thursday 9 May 2019
Thursday 2 May 2019
Thursday 25 April 2019
Thursday 18 April 2019
Thursday 11 April 2019
Wednesday 3 April 2019
Thursday 28 March 2019
Thursday 21 March 2019
Saturday 16 March 2019
Now, This...
Anchor: Now over to our Apocalypse correspondent. Do we have any news on when those four horsemen are due to appear to make a statement? I've been told it could be any moment now.
Correspondent: (laughs) They're not hoving into view just quite yet! But, as you can see from the shit-o-meter, things are getting increasingly shitter out there. Once the levels of famine, pestilence, war, and death all reach the critical levels, it will indeed be the Apocalypse. We can see here how the recent war and famine in Yemen is driving up these levels, as well as the disappearance of fertile land due to climate change, and with the Doomsday clock at it's closest to midnight since the Cuban missile crisis, it's all kicking off here!
Anchor: Well, isn't that marvellous!
Correspondent: Yes, so viewers if you haven't repented your sins yet, I'd advise you do it sharpish! You don't want to be left behind with all the freaking shit-heels and demons!
Anchor: Certainly not! Now, this...
Correspondent: (laughs) They're not hoving into view just quite yet! But, as you can see from the shit-o-meter, things are getting increasingly shitter out there. Once the levels of famine, pestilence, war, and death all reach the critical levels, it will indeed be the Apocalypse. We can see here how the recent war and famine in Yemen is driving up these levels, as well as the disappearance of fertile land due to climate change, and with the Doomsday clock at it's closest to midnight since the Cuban missile crisis, it's all kicking off here!
Anchor: Well, isn't that marvellous!
Correspondent: Yes, so viewers if you haven't repented your sins yet, I'd advise you do it sharpish! You don't want to be left behind with all the freaking shit-heels and demons!
Anchor: Certainly not! Now, this...
Thursday 14 March 2019
Friday 8 March 2019
Thursday 28 February 2019
Thursday 21 February 2019
Thursday 14 February 2019
Thursday 7 February 2019
Thursday 31 January 2019
Thursday 24 January 2019
Saturday 19 January 2019
Fake Britain
Remember when Britain was Great?
Before everything became so Fake?
Now it's fake this, fake that,
Fake interviews, fake chat,
Fake reporters, fake reviews,
Fake presenters, fake news,
Fake politicians, fake polls,
Even fake sausage rolls!
Fake celebrities, fake TV,
Fake impartiality on the BBC.
Fake companies, fake money,
Fake bees, fake honey?
Fake tweets, fake mods,
Fake accounts, fake bots,
Fake 7/7, fake 9/11,
Fake hell, fake heaven.
Fake food, fake drink,
Society on the brink.
Fake weed, fake meth,
Fake life, Fake death,
Fake love, fake hate,
Fake sex, fake rape,
Fake nose, fake tits,
Fake ass, fake lips,
Fake religion, fake pope,
Fake Jesus Christ, fake hope.
Fake science, fake vaccine,
Maybe it's Maybellene.
Fake doctors, fake nurses,
Fake corpses in fake hearses.
Fake knowledge, fake humour,
Fake allegations, fake rumour.
Fake wars, fake terror,
Yet another "unforeseen error".
Fake brokers, fake bankers,
Fuck all those wankers.
Fake buildings, fake people,
Fake leaders, fake sheeple.
Fake Brexit, fake remain,
Fake outrage, fake blame,
Fake promises, fake lies,
Yet we fall for them every...fucking...time.
It's time to stop the fakeness.
And strive, once again, for greatness.
Before everything became so Fake?
Now it's fake this, fake that,
Fake interviews, fake chat,
Fake reporters, fake reviews,
Fake presenters, fake news,
Fake politicians, fake polls,
Even fake sausage rolls!
Fake celebrities, fake TV,
Fake impartiality on the BBC.
Fake companies, fake money,
Fake bees, fake honey?
Fake tweets, fake mods,
Fake accounts, fake bots,
Fake 7/7, fake 9/11,
Fake hell, fake heaven.
Fake food, fake drink,
Society on the brink.
Fake weed, fake meth,
Fake life, Fake death,
Fake love, fake hate,
Fake sex, fake rape,
Fake nose, fake tits,
Fake ass, fake lips,
Fake religion, fake pope,
Fake Jesus Christ, fake hope.
Fake science, fake vaccine,
Maybe it's Maybellene.
Fake doctors, fake nurses,
Fake corpses in fake hearses.
Fake knowledge, fake humour,
Fake allegations, fake rumour.
Fake wars, fake terror,
Yet another "unforeseen error".
Fake brokers, fake bankers,
Fuck all those wankers.
Fake buildings, fake people,
Fake leaders, fake sheeple.
Fake Brexit, fake remain,
Fake outrage, fake blame,
Fake promises, fake lies,
Yet we fall for them every...fucking...time.
It's time to stop the fakeness.
And strive, once again, for greatness.
Friday 18 January 2019
Thursday 10 January 2019
Friday 4 January 2019
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